BEHIND THE MAGIC
by silverdragoneyes14
Summary: This story just tells you what you need to know. Like what really happened to Fluffy, Voldemort. please read!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!

**_What really happened to Voldemort._**

One day Voldemort was walking away from his house. He was mad because one of his deatheaters took away his teddy bear. (that always ticks him off!) This is his story:

_Moldy Voldy sat on a wall_

_Moldy Voldy had a great fall_

_All the lords deatheaters and all the lords men_

_Couldn't put Voldy back together again._

Voldemort broke into 183 pieces. (I know, I counted!) When he broke his soul was reliesed. He went to seek out a new body. He came across this shabby old looking dude. He floated into this dudes body. This dudes name was Saddam Hussan.

**AND THAT WAS THE STORY OF LORD VOLDEMORT!**


	2. Chapter 2

**_What ever happened to Fluffy?_**

After the Sorcerers Stone was destroyed Fluffy was no longer needed at Hogwarts. (too bad, soo sad). So he...I mean they...I mean...oh whatever! Fluffy packed up his bags and left.

He was going through the streets of London, everyone was staring and poiting at him mind you, when he saw a sign on a door. It read, '_GUARD DOG NEEDED'_. After Fluffy read the sign, (yes that's right, Fluffy can read.) he ran to the sign, took it off and knocked on the door as gentally as possible. The door opened. The person started at the three-headed dog, untill he reliesed he was holding the sign. He smiled.

**_FLUFFY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER._**


	3. Chapter 3

**_What do they really do in the teachers room?_**

The teachers at Hogwarts would tell the students that they were not allowed in the staff room. Why you ask? Well, one day I 'borrowed' (and when I say borrow I mean stole) Harry's invisibility cloak and actually went into the the teachers room and actually heard one of their actual conversations just as it actually happened. Hears what I heard:

_"Yo Sevy, pass me a joint!"MgGonnagal said, her arm outstreached. Snape passed her a joint. She sucked in the drug and breathed it out._

_"I like, so like, can't wait to like, retire." said Proffesor Binns. (lol)_

_"I hope these little brats die! Then I would probably love my job, sweeping up their dead bodies!" Filch laughed. Everyone raised thier bottles of Firewhiskey._

_"Here! Hear!" They all agreed. They clacked their bottles together. (somewhere in a nearby corner, author shakes her head in disgust.)_

**DRINKING AND SMOKING WILL NOT SOLVE ANYTHING.**


	4. Chapter 4

**_What's really in the restricted section_**

Have you ever wondered what's really in the Resticted Section? The teachers say theree are books on dark magic in there. Well I don't believe it and you want to know why? Because I've been in there. Do you want to know what's in there? **PORN.** Don't look at me like that it's true! Hey, thee truth hurts sometimes. Here are some of the titles;

_PORN FOR DUMMIES_

_ANIMAL PORN (LOL!)_

_THE BEST OF GILDEROY LOCKHART_

_THE LONELY PROFESSOR SNAPE_

_DREW CARRY'S HOME VIDIOS_

_VICTORIA'S SECRET FEATURING PROFESSORS MgGONNAGAL AND SPROUT_

_DUMBLEDOR GONE WILD_

_DEMENTORS, WHAT DO THEY REALLY KISS?_

_THE OH-SO-FAMOUS-SLYTHERIN-SEX-GOD FEATURING DRACO MALFOY_

**SCARY, ISN'T IT? (WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE LAST ONE _WINK, WINK, NUDGE, NUDGE)_**


	5. Chapter 5

**_How Harry really beat Voldemort_**

As we all know, Harry has beaten Voldy's but like 4 times. But how did Harry really beat him? Well actually they didn't really fight. They didn't even touch eachother! No. They actually played strip pocker. And of couarse Harry won. And you want to know something else? I was there playing as well. And you know what? Vold was wearing boxers with the playboy bunny on them! Scary! I lost as well. (tear).

**BELIEVE IT OR NOT!**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Why they really call Moaning Mertle'Moaning Mertle'_**

The rumor has it that Moaning Mertle died because of the baskilik's stare. Year right! Mertle was actually a very beautiful young woman. She had a boyfriend called 'Gidget Chucklebutt.' Yes we all know it's a funny name. Anyways, they were looking for a place to shag. They went to the girls bathroom and got their groove on. That explains it. But's what this you ask? How did she die? Well if I told you, then I'd have to kill you. And then you wouldn't finish the rest of my story.


	7. Chapter 7

**_What the Dark Mark really means_**

You know in collage, sometimes the students put rubber bands on the doorknob to their dorm rooms so nobody would disturb them, if you know what I mean (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). That's basically what the Dark Mark means. Voldemort just wants to get his groove on like everybody else. He just doesn't want to use a rubber band like everybody else because he thinks he's oh-so-special. Anyway, who would want to do anything with him? Good question,. When I find out, I'll tell you.


	8. Chapter 8

**_What really went on in the maze_**

In the Goblet of Fire, the last task, the contestants are in the maze. Nobody knew where Fleur or Cedric were. They soon saw red and green sparks. Thhey thought someone was in trouble. They ran to where the sparks were coming from. When they got there they saw Fleur shagging Cedric senseless. But there were still sparks? They were coming from Cedric, just not from his wand. (wink)


	9. Chapter 9

**_What really went on between Harry and Ginny in the Chamber of Secrets._**

Well we all know that Ginny has a crush on Harry. So she had a plan. She would fake her own kidnap and go into the chamber. Then Harry would save her. Once Harry destroyed the beast, she would pull out the 'handy objects' she brought and they would have a little fun! This is what happened:

"_Got any 4's?"Ginny asked._

_"_Go fish." Ginny picked up a card.

"I win." Harry said.

"How do you figure?"

"'Cause I'm The-Boy-Who-Lived."

"So?" Ginny shouted.

"So I'm more specialer than you." Ginny gave him a death glare. She pointed her wand at Harry and knocked him out.

"Now your The-Boy-Who-Should-Have-Died." Ginny laughed manically.

**AND YOU GUYS THOUGH SOMETHING ELSE WOULD HAPPEN, DIDN'T YOU? PERVES. WHAT KIND OF AUTHOR DO YOU THINNK I AM? (SNIGGER)** **_PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!_**


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